The Power of Words
It’s funny how sometimes the things that are supposed to protect us can end up being what hurts us the most, if we don’t tend to them properly. Like skin. Or the words we say to ourselves.
This year, I overcame emotional mountains. I shed outer layers that were weighing me down, ones that represented an immature, selfish, and adolescent version of myself, inflicting layers of damage that were hurting me more than they were protecting me. This is not the person I identify as today. In doing “the work”, and also in not doing anything, in just letting everything be as it is, I started to become the best version of myself. The most authentically “me” version. I learned to release the negative energy I was holding in my mind and body, creating space for new and fresh ways of thinking (and being) to take root. Like a precious sprouting baby seedling. And I learned to appreciate all of the bad as much as the good. Sometimes even more so, because we learn more from the bad.
The global pandemic played a big role in this shift, and I know that I am extremely lucky to say that. I’m grateful to be able to say that I’m really grateful for the Coronavirus. I really do believe that the world needed to pause, in every sense of the word. Man, do I love this word. Let’s ~pause on it for a sec.
People pause when they talk to emphasize a deeper meaning in what they’re saying. It happens in writing, too. Commas are the grammatical indication to pause, and can change the entire meaning of a sentence. My favorite example of this is one I learned from my Dad (shoutout Dad):
Woman without her man is nothing.
Woman, without her, man is nothing.
Really makes you appreciate commas!!! Because what would words be without their meaning?
Just like in speech, taking a breather in life is essential.
I’ve always been fascinated with language. Language is the foundation for everything we know in this world. What is the simplest description of life, if it isn’t a word? The same can be argued for anything. Literally anything. Words are what we use as humans to make sense of it all. When you break it down, words are just a set of symbols we use to give meaning to everything around us. Once we are well-versed in the basics, the magic of our minds really begins to unfold.
As babies, we form neural connections between sounds, words, and the specific experiences surrounding them. Next we create memories, and eventually we’re able to form thoughts of our own. These thoughts form who we are as people, what we care about, and what our purpose is in the world. It’s truly astounding to me how miraculous it all is. And like anything complex, it all starts so simply. With words. Think about some of the first things your parents do when you’re a baby. They make faces at you and hold you and feed you, but even before you’re able to form words yourself, even before you experience oxygen for the first time, they speak to you.
My appreciation for words became clear to me this past year when I started noticing how I spoke to myself. To put it gently, the way I used to speak to myself was unkind. On the contrary, it was hateful, judging, and cruel. Which I realize is extremely counterintuitive for someone who claims to love words. This realization didn’t happen overnight, either. I had to take a few steps back before I could move forward. I had to really pause. * insert life comma here *
So for a while, I did nothing, and just stared at a wall. Then a ceiling, then back to a wall. For months, I tried to meditate. Sometimes in the morning right when I woke up, sometimes late at night, sometimes in the middle of the day when the overwhelming slurry of thoughts in my head were too maddening to bear. At first, I sought out guided meditations from healers I love, including Melissa McKay, Ram Dass, and my dear friend, Allegra, whose powerful words continue to console me to this day. If you’re someone like me who developed a habit of obsessing, and making even the shallowest of encounters ocean-deep, then you can imagine how hard it was for me to just exist in the empty spaces. But when you really care about something, when you do it with intent and care, and you focus all of your will without any distractions, you can do anything. So I did it. It never gets easier, you just become better at it. You realize that everything that’s important will come back (shoutout Alleg). That meditating is not about not thinking, but rather being present in the moment. That in order to create something new, you have to first release the old. So I shed, released, poured, diffused, and absolved all of the garbage I was carrying around for years. And then some.
Once I cleared some things out, I was able to move forward as new. I started by changing the words I used when addressing myself. Such a simple practice, but so incredibly, mind-bogglingly powerful. I started saying and writing down affirmations continuously, things that I felt I needed to hear most, like:
“You’re exactly where you’re supposed to be.”
“Everything is temporary.”
“What you focus on grows.”
“More is lost from indecision than a wrong decision. Go with your gut.”
“She who worries suffers twice.”
“You’re allowed to change your mind whenever you want.”
“You got this.”
“It’s far less important what others think of you, so long as you think highly of yourself.”
“God, please grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference,” -Serenity Prayer
“Be impeccable with your words. Take nothing personally. Assume nothing. Always do your best,” -The Four Agreements
“Fuck it.”
I said these affirmations to myself throughout the day, in the mirror, in the car, or anytime I needed to hear them. I also repeatedly wrote them in my journal, on my bathroom mirror, or on little pieces of paper scattered all over my bedroom like secret love notes waiting to be found. Once I developed some patience, I discovered with wonder the real, most palpable magic of words:
The things we say over and over again are what we start to believe.
And what we believe to be true, is what will be.
Let me repeat it:
The things we say over and over again are what we start to believe.
And what we believe to be true, is what will be.
In other words, anything we can imagine can become real.
Of course, this doesn’t mean that if we just believe and do nothing else, that things will magically happen. Of course they won’t. It truly amazes me how lazy the human race can be when we already have a built-in remote control system in our minds. If you really think about it, the mind tells the body what to do, like a control center. We already have all the tools we need to create anything. Most of us were just weren’t taught how to harness these tools effectively while also navigating the overwhelming ridiculousness in the world. At least not specifically. So let’s keep it general then.
Jenna’s Guide to Making Something Happen:
Step 1: Believe you can do it
Step 2: Take physical action to will your ideas to life
Step 3: Persist. Don’t give up!!!
If you care enough about something and believe it can be true, odds are you will probably be motivated enough to actually do it. To make what you believe real. It doesn’t have to be complicated and you don’t have to suffer. In fact, a calm mind is usually ideal.
I will leave you with a quote from the essayist and publisher Elbert Hubbard, found in one of my favorite books that I often come back to:
“Whenever you go out-of-doors, draw the chin in, carry the crown of the head high, and fill the lungs to the utmost; drink in the sunshine; greet your friends with a smile, and put soul into every handclasp. Do not fear being misunderstood and do not waste a minute thinking about your enemies. Try to fix firmly in your mind what you would like to do; and then, without veering off direction, you will move straight to the goal. Keep your mind on the great and splendid things you would like to do, and then, as the days go gliding away, you will find yourself unconsciously seizing upon the opportunities that are required for the fulfillment of your desire, just as the coral insect takes from the running tide the element it needs. Picture in your mind the able, earnest, useful person you desire to be, and the thought you hold is hourly transforming you into that particular individual…Thought is supreme. Preserve a right mental attitude —- the attitude of courage, frankness, and good cheer. To think rightly is to create. All things come through desire and every sincere prayer is answered. We become like that on which our hearts are fixed. Carry your chin in and the crown of your head high. We are gods in the chrysalis.”
THOUGHT IS SUPREME.
To think rightly is to create.
We are gods in the chrysalis!!!
Love you,
Jen