Summer Fruit

It’s cherry season in Israel. And nectarine, peach, apricot, and watermelon season. The heat is blaring and bright and will literally knock you off your feet if you don’t hydrate properly. I love the vibrancy of fruit during this time, but contrary to popular belief, summer is not my favorite season. Maybe if I had a job where I had summers off, I’d enjoy it more. Or maybe the heat is too much for me to bear. I’m a very sensitive person. Summer feels like an ending, an exposure, a risk. Winter is cozy and safe and always restful. But the truth is we all need both: the wild and playful exuberance of summer and the comfortable, caressing hug of winter.

I’ve been feeling out of touch with myself this week. Like I’m going through the motions but not really feeling them fully, not really living. I know why. It’s because I’m not living aligned with my truth, my real passions and purpose. I know this, and I still choose to stay stuck in my current situation. Because it’s comfortable, familiar, like staying home on a wintery night.

But Summer is here again.

And she’s a playful reminder that it’s time to venture out. To explore, journey, jump off a cliff into a splashing sea.

Change is scary. You don’t know what lies on the other side. We tend to go towards fear, doubt, and the ‘what if it sucks’ mentality. But the truth is it could go both ways. How do we train our minds to shift to an automatic positive? What if it rocks? You’d never know unless you take the risk, something I started realizing when I moved here. It’s funny, I already made the harder change: I uprooted my entire life and moved across the world, away from my close friends and family who have always held me and protected me. Even though moving was basically an unknown abyss, I decided to do it anyway. Because there was something deeper gnawing at me from the inside. Something I could no longer ignore.

So here I am, going through the ebbs and flows of the seasons, feeling aligned with the land and closer to myself, but still not fully arrived in peak fulfillment yet. But it’s ok, because I’m 27 and still have my whole life ahead of me. And it’s scary and I don’t know what I’m doing and still sometimes get all bent out of shape over silly things that don’t matter. We all do.

But then we have moments of clarity. And we feel something. Inspired, passionate, alive. We feel something that moves us, inspires, jolts us awake and pushes us hard enough to do something seemingly crazy. To make a change. But I’m realizing that it’s crazier to stay still, to not change. To ignore your inner voice. Because even though change is hard, not making it is against our biology. We are meant to grow and change, and when we don’t, we’re not living in line with our souls, with our authentic and true selves. And goddamn it I want to live as soulful a life as my sensitive ass can possibly withstand.

So I’ve decided I’m going to switch my perspective about summer this summer. I’m going to swim more, float, and continue exploring uncharted waters. I’m going to find what gives me energy, and drop what drains me. Adventure out of the illusion of comfort and be brave. I know it won’t be easy and I will have to work hard. But if I find my purpose in the world, if I figure out how to live in this physical realm while also fulfilling and channelling my other worldly self, it will all be worth it.

Happy Summer Y’all. Eat more fruit.

Xoxo, Jen

PS: Cherry in Hebrew is דובדבן (‘Doov Devan’) which also happens to be the name of a special forces unit in the IDF, the unit Fauda is based on where Israelis go on elaborate undercover operations. I’m not sure why they decided to call this unit ‘cherry,’ but I’d like to believe it’s because it’s wild and courageous and vibrantly bloody red, just like the undeniably risquè summer fruit ;).